Possibility

Can I like sleep till the time a better life wakes me up?

What am I doing with my life? I 'study' a day before my exams and cry about my life and am literally stupider than an alpaca. 

People have so many talents like singing, dancing, being musically inclined, I mean even being able to rote takes some skill. 'celebrities' who make sex tapes too have courage and aspirations. What do I have? Well to start with, my parents money , the ability to ruin things without the guilt and being extremely wasteful. Wish I could write that as at least a hobby, in the lack of the others. I wish I could at least run away from my responsibilities but guess I'm too fat and physically incapable of doing that tooooo. I can do a lot of things very well though - whine about everything, be selfish and completely detached. 

Yay me. 

What am I doing with my life? I have no clear path to follow. I don't know why I want to do whatever I start doing or even plan to do - aka architecture. I'd totally be normal if I don't get into college or something . I'm a pussy enough to chicken out of trying to kill myself. Even cutting myself seems more fun that living my life. I cry because others around me do. I self invite myself everywhere. I'm an insensitive bully. I'm live like a swine who hogs junk crap like one too. I'm always so desperate for attention I write shit like this for absolutely no one to read but to loathe over it myself. I hate talking to others, I waste all my time and manage to realize it but be so absolutely useless that I don't do anything about it. I shun the pepole who care about me -

How is this not some skill I can write about? I'd be so good at it.