Wednesday, January 15


I take way too many things for granted. I don’t remember thanking my parents in months for anything that they did for me. I claim that I won’t miss anybody after I leave this fall, but I know I’ll come crawling back into the arms of my parents the second they’ll leave me to be.


As much as I try to convince myself that I dont regret any decision in life, my words return to stab me and pick my brain about how wrong I am.


Pulverized by the pain
She's reduced to ashes
She was young - she was frail
Troubled and a wrist full of slashes



Is it wrong that I feel happy about people dying? 

It's not like I'm sadistic, but I do feel happy for those who have passed away. Maybe jealous too but more happy. 

Jealous because I want to be where they are. In a better place. I'm not happy for myself though, happy for them, the dead, because they're in a much much better place away from the grim pain and misery that this existence traps within its bounds. I want to be there, where the dead lay, lay in a silence and peace and serenity and calmness.


Can I like sleep till the time a better life wakes me up?

What am I doing with my life? I 'study' a day before my exams and cry about my life and am literally stupider than an alpaca. 


I wish I could close my eyes and open them to find all my responsibilities disappear. 
All I did was math today and devoting so much time as well, I'm certain I won't get anywhere near what I deserve. 
Well, the other subjects, I haven't even started them yet, I'm far from even thinking of passing in them. The only thing that seems better than giving the exams is getting a life threatening disease. Looking back, it all seems to have gone so fast but the future seems like a snail walking in circles carrying weight multiple times itself. 
Every time I get a mail, I rush to open it with crossed fingers hoping its an acceptance mail from a university to which I can just fly and leave all if this behind as soon as possible. 

Kenway ❤️

I very well know how socially awkward I am and I'm not afraid to show it! 

During my absolutely amazing time at the SMFA in Boston in June, I'd enrolled for the photography class and they were all M&C people there. Sigh, not Mac and Cheese, but Macintosh and Canon. 

Carrying the Nikon, which was not even mine, I was asked to use the Canon camera for the duration of the class. 


The question returns, hitting harder this time around. Why do you exist? 

Dream or a premonition?‏

Woke up at like 5 am this morning grasping for water.
Probably cold or dry, no idea, but i had the most vivid dream still on my mind then. 
Factually, your dreams are stored in your mind for a maximum of 10 minutes, however, I can distinctly recollect every moment. 
Getting a 46 percent in my boards, committing suicide, and no one caring.


The state of helplessness hits me every time I wake up. From the annoying people around me to the depressing and now monotonous surroundings. 


So I was AWOL from my blog for quite a long time, however, I was still writing and now will be publishing an array of blogs!